As all of us mothers know, being a mom isn't always easy. I am finding that I am being tested every day as I mother my children, currently 3years and 19months, and sometimes enough is enough. I am an avil follower of the Confessions of a Homeschooler blog and lately her blog series on the book The Ministry of Mothering has stirred up a lot of convictions within me and I must say...it is a good study!!!
I am not a perfect mom, but I am trying to do the best for my kids. And normally, I am SO patient with them-I run a daycare too so I have to be patient, but I have found myself becoming less patient, especially on sleepless nights as I deal with my toddler's non-stop, all night nursing sessions that MUST, by her demands, be done in the rocking chair in her room and no where else. If the rocking chair stops-aka I fell asleep-she wakes up crying and we repeat the cycle. Some nights the past few weeks I have been up with her multiple times within an hour of remaining in her room until wee hours of the morning. I am night owl, always have been, and don't climb into bed until midnight and my first daycare kid arrives at 6:30am. I average about 6hrs of sleep a night without the nursing sessions that occur so adding them to the mix make me more tired=less patient.
And as many of you out there, who have gone through age 2-4 with your children, you all have had times where you have had enough with a certain behavior and are exhausted, mentally above all else, by the demands of our toddlers/preschoolers. Currently my 3 year is exhausting!! His constant questions (without a break to even allow me to attempt to answer the question), his "I can do it myself" mentality-followed by sobs "I can't know how", and the constant defiant behavior just to test me to see if I am going to follow through with what I said is tiring. Add to that a 20month old, a 19month old, and a 10month old and I'm tired.
But this past week I had the chance to sit at my computer (uninterrupted) for a bit and go through the blogs that I follow and this week blog from Erica (@ Confessions of a Homeschooler) hit me really hard. You can find this week's study, and her notes, here : Ministry of Motherhood Week 4
The key verses she pinpoints are what hit me the most:
* “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Prov. 15:1
* "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Eph. 4:29
* But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. James 3:7-9
I am not a screamer or a yeller, but my tone can be quite...how do I say it...intense at times. And these key verses really hit me that I need to be careful with how I say things and what I say to my children. I raise my children in a household with a firm foundation in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. My children read their Bibles, sing worship songs, pray and talk to God/Jesus daily with and without being asked. They love Jesus and that is such a blessing to me that I am able to instill this into them. But reading these verses, and looking through links that Erica has on this study, it made me realize that I need to be aware exactly of what I am saying. If I am not helping to build them up, not willing to listen carefully and answer fully, and if I am not willing to take a deep breath before answering the same question for the 30th time in a row, then I am not taming my tongue fully.
My prayer today is that I learn to control, breathe, praying and seek Him before addressing my children always. I pray that I will always remember that they are little and they are learning and if my tone gets in the way or my words are not uplifting, I am not fulfilling my duty as their mother, fully, as God intended. I pray for mercy and strength. May my children always see Jesus in me, even when I am not pleased with their behavior and may they know that I love them through it all-good and bad-no matter what.